I asked several people to tell me the smartest thing they have ever done. I picked a random group: current friends, past friends, acquaintances, family, my parents’ friends, coworkers, strangers. Most people didn’t know the answer, which is part of why it’s an important question. Well over half of those who responded joked that I should have asked them the dumbest thing they’d done. I, too, keep a list of missteps taped to my mental bathroom mirror. I’m not sure if it’s human nature to spend more time harping on what we’re ashamed of, or if we’re products of a culture of regret. At any rate, every last one of us has done something genius. It could be small: I listened to stories about actions that were merely clever, but had monumental consequences. Others were dramatic shifts in lifestyle or thinking. Both deserve applause.
Most answers arrived via text. I typed them as they trickled in and scrolled up and down my screen, unsure of what to make of them, aware of their importance. I read and reread until I could feel the heat from dozens of light bulbs. Gradually, scattered phrases began to glow. I pieced them together, using snippets from a litany of responses to create a prose poem. Everyone’s choices made a whole new story.
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The smartest thing I ever did was leave my house when I was fifteen–my heart can grow in directions I wouldn’t have guessed. So I joined the Coast Guard and kept the black lab mix named Luke. I decided to build my career while I’m young. Moved to New York, stayed at Bowdoin, left Pittsburgh. When my mom was having heart attack symptoms, I called my brother. I kept Grayson. I made your mother his nanny and left behind furniture, clothes, books, diaries, photos, and tchotchkes that meant something to me. I tricked myself into committing to that journey. I told the boy I was in love with (and probably still am) that I was completely sober. The men before him were bad, bad, bad–a lot of it involved luck.
I can think of something: I was driving without the lights on, driving on mushrooms, owing pieces of myself to really good people. I was leaving a man that used me; nothing I’ve ever done has been smart. He came to me one night. I read once that inner peace meant I would have to give up almost everything. I looked him dead in the eye. I didn’t feel afraid, just shoved myself into hell to find out what I’m made of. I’m still waking up.
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I have no problem rattling off the top ten dumbest things I’ve ever done, but can’t even decide if other things are “smart.” And I’d say something cliché like finally standing up for myself to people like my fifth grade bully or my ex, but you know I like to be more original and profound than that.
I called my brother when my mom was having heart attack symptoms. He forced her to call 911 when she was hesitant and being stubborn. That call would save her life as she had a triple bypass and valve replacement surgery a few days later. If I would have just been frustrated and continued working, my mom wouldn’t be here.
Damn, this would have been easier if you asked the dumbest thing I’ve done. Because that would be driving on mushrooms. And telling my boyfriend to suck it up when he actually had diabetes.
The smartest thing I’ve ever done is leave a man that used me and didn’t appreciate me. You can only live for others for so long.
Letting my now-partner back into my life after a break in our friendship. Trusting despite the pain did not make sense logically but felt right immediately, and every day since. Ironic, no?
The smartest thing I ever did was let her in. Swiping right was easy. Too easy, really. And I had no intention of ever meeting her. Two weeks into talking she made sure there was no chance I could run away like I’d gotten used to doing. It fucking terrified me. Every girlfriend I had up until then had made me feel like I was more or less perfect exactly the way I was, there was no challenge and no motivation to move forward, nothing to learn and only self-interest to gain. It’s been almost four years. She’s gentle in the way she prods me to be better. An essential, poised combination of optimism and tough love. But her tough love is still so gentle, so subtle I never knew I was missing it. Disappearing would have been easy. The smartest thing I ever did was let myself feel scared and keep moving.
The first thing that came to mind was joining the Coast Guard, but I feel I made smart decisions/dumb mistakes to get here.
Transferring to UNCW—a lot of it involved luck, but the self-reflection to listen to my gut as well as analyze the situation I was in. Looking at myself, what I wanted, and finding out that this isn’t how I want to spend the next three years.
Marrying my husband. I know that’s not very feminist of me. Twenty-five years together! We just celebrated. The men before him were bad, bad, bad. I mean, the more trouble, the better. Or leaving Pittsburgh. That’s the smartest. The dumbest thing I ever did was not stop talking to my mother when I was eighteen. I should have stopped it, but I kept talking to her.
Nothing I’ve ever done has been “smart.”
Well, the list isn’t huge, frankly. I can think of something.
Not listening to my parents about what to do with my life after high school. Hands down.
I decided to build my career while I’m young (started at 19). Instead of partying, etc., I’ve been able to save money and spend it on things I enjoy more, such as traveling. BUT moving to the city was also smart. I read once that opportunities for growth are higher for individuals living in the city and I wanted to take advantage of that.
The smartest thing I’ve ever done was keep a black lab mix puppy named Luke. For 17 years, I had the best and smartest friend.
Joining the marines. I’d be dead without the healthcare and VA.
That’s easy… marry the love of my life.
For me, it would be deciding to be a tennis player. I got going a lot later than most kids (7th-8th grade). Playing tennis is pretty much what kept me sane in high school. It also led to a friendship in college with a friend who basically was the most “Christ-like” friend I’ve ever had. She’s still my friend, in case it sounded like she was dead. I’m still waking up.
Learned to say no to people without explaining myself. Understanding that I can say no to people without being bad and that I don’t owe everyone pieces of myself. And adopting dogs.
Probably move to New York. I knew that it was the most horrifying thing to me that I could possibly do so I decided I needed to do it because I was so afraid of it. I needed to not be scared of it anymore.
Putting myself first and walking away from someone and something that stopped making my heart happy. I feel like “smart things” are supposed to come easy or be our most natural, carefree accomplishments. And this definitely was not that. Sometimes, even if you should be ready, you’re not. It wasn’t pretty or timely or easy, as you know, but I’d say that was my smartest accomplishment because of how much I had to know and trust myself and trust the people who mean the most to me. And, to be honest, I think I’m still figuring out more everyday why that was not only the smartest thing I’ve ever done but also (and more importantly, I think) the hardest.
Everything smart I’ve ever done has always revolved around following my heart while at the same time realizing my heart can grow in directions I never would have guessed.
- Cutting shitty people out of my life. Forgiving people may be overrated.
- Going on big trips when I probably couldn’t afford it.
- In case someone steals my #1: getting on birth control where I never have my period.
Making the decision to keep Grayson and start school while I was pregnant. If I hadn’t started when I did, I probably never would have.
I’d say writing my thesis. By choosing to write about queer themes in a particular song, I was able to learn more about and engage with my own queerness in a safe space. In retrospect, I don’t know that I would’ve been able to come out without doing that. I tricked myself into committing to that journey, and I think that was pretty smart.
I’m still thinking. I might just send you, like, 40. Can’t choose one; I’m pretty genius.
Stop wearing pantyhose and high heels. Listen to my friends. In college I had a friend challenge a racial slur I made and it changed my life forever. I had another friend question me when I broke up with Clark. I got back together with him, married him, and that was a real smart move.
The smartest thing I have ever done is probably step over my fear and open up to my girlfriend. I was running away from relationships before and was too afraid to talk about my inner feelings. But by accepting it, opening up, and revealing my authentic inner state to my current girlfriend, I really shifted my life and became more mindful for myself and other things, and I obviously feel a lot better as well.
At my job interview, I told my manager and boss I had another job offer as well. So they raised their offer and hired me. I had no other job offer.
Told the boy I was in love with (and probably still am) that I couldn’t get back together with him because I knew he’d break my heart again. I fell for him hard for a full summer, and he told me he broke up with his girlfriend of three years for me. End of summer came and he went to college—we tried to stay steady while he was there. He invited me up for a weekend and dumped me while I was leaving, and then he strung me along for months after. It was a shitty thing, but he was such a wonderful person. He came to me one night the following summer and told me he made a mistake and wanted to get back together, and I wanted nothing more than to say yes since I’d stayed in love with him for the whole year. But I looked him dead in the eye and said, “I can’t do that, because when this summer ends, you’ll go back to school and I’ll go back to school and you’ll break up with me again. And I know it’ll only be worse for me the second time.”
Not transferring home from Bowdoin after my first semester when I hated it.
I have several answers: marrying Philip, letting your mom be Eli’s nanny, reading The Untethered Soul, leaving the practice of law for nonprofit work.
If you ever do a blog on “most idiotic things you’ve ever done,” I would have a NOVEL. The more I think on the question, the more I think on all the funny things I wish I HAD done. Funny how that works…
Not give a fuck about what other people think and live life for me. Sounds stupid, but I used to care a lot about what others thought and it held me back from my own happiness/success. Now I feel free and like myself and secure in who I am and it’s brought me peace and mental clarity. It has opened up more to able/genuine relationships with really good people and lead me to feel whole and fulfilled in life and just very happy and confident in myself overall.
I would probably say studying abroad. It was such a life changing experience that doesn’t compare to anything else I have ever done.
One would be marrying your dad. Leaving Omaha, getting Otis, having and adopting children. Playing the guitar! Nannying Eli.
- I think the smartest thing I’ve ever done is travel. Just shoving myself into an uncomfortable culture for the sake of making myself better than before I left for the trip, and also less ignorant than before.
- I also think that finally ending a toxic relationship (on my terms) and transferring schools is another very smart move.
I don’t know if it was the smartest thing… but quitting my first job at a studio I was miserable at but gave me fulltime, to work at my dream ballet academy only two days a week. Because now I work there six days a week and make double an hour what the shitty studio paid me.
Made a decision to go to any length to get sober. I’m a recovering alcoholic, sober now almost two years.
Listening to the call of my heart, soul, or maybe even a desperate place inside, to leave the situation I created and hike the Appalachian Trail. It removed me from unhealthy cycles and gave me space, breathing room, adventure to find out what I’m made of and it made the world of possibilities bigger. It didn’t solve all my problems or totally change me, but it laid a foundation for the rest of my life that would.
Probably hiking the AT was my best move, honestly.
The people I chose to surround myself with. From high school—you know them. Was there divine intervention in that? I don’t know. I was in one friend group and kind of switched. I remember my fifteen-year-old brain being very intentional about who I spent time with. They became the foundation of everything. Rooted and ethical but fun and smart. Another would be choosing to go to Westminster Presbyterian. That’s how I got my job, that’s how Bill got his job. I hope you kids find a place like that someday.
It’s you, Bridges.
The smartest thing I ever did was leave my house when I was fifteen. Leaving meant I would have to give up some comforts, like… living in a big house in the suburbs, and being spoiled with shopping sprees and vacations in Europe and gifts, and feeling like we would never run out of money. Leaving also cost me a shot at getting into my dream Ivy League school, which was very, very important to me when I was fifteen. I was crazy about that. Leaving also cost me my neighborhood friendships. I stopped talking to most of my friends because leaving was so depressing and any reminders of home upset me. I had to leave behind furniture, clothes, books, diaries, photos, and tchotchkes that meant something to me. Almost everything. My leaving confused my mother’s side of the family and we became estranged. The police and DYFS got involved. All around, leaving was a hell of an ordeal. On my first night in my father’s condo, I slept like a freaking baby because I didn’t feel afraid or on alert. Leaving gave me what I needed to be able to sleep at night. Understanding, at fifteen, that inner peace was worth enduring all of that other crap is the smartest thought I have ever had. I try to hold on to that.
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