My little sister finished high school and I did not plan on attending the graduation. Our massive Charlotte school holds its dreary ceremonies in the Hornets stadium, and I was not about to take off work to drive four hours and stare at a wall of kelly green mortarboards. But when she personally requested that I be there, I gave in.
Her principal gave a mercifully brief commencement address that outlined the eleven things he wished he had known in high school. My favorite was number five: “Admit when you are wrong.” I’m only five years out, but there are things I wish I had known.
1) You don’t know what’s going to happen. While predictions can be reasonable and right, they also close your mind to wondrous twists. You don’t know anything, hardly, and perhaps never will.
2) Of the things you do know, be sure this is one: You have your own back. Realize that you’re a person you can rely on, and work every day to continue becoming that person. You’ll have to heave yourself out of muck.
3) Alcohol brings more bad into the world than it does good. Approach each drink with perspective.
4) People will hate you. If you’ve given them a true reason to do so, apologize immediately. If you haven’t, you’re doing something right. Breathe deeply and march on.
5) Be honest with everyone about who you are, then love yourself anyway.
5a) Loving yourself begins with forgiveness.
6) When someone crosses a physical boundary, resist the urge to “just go with it.” Gauge the situation and choose between two things: Remove yourself immediately, or hit them as hard as you can. You’ll see them again. Make eye contact and never, ever apologize.
7) When you’re twenty-one, you’ll come across a woman in a gas station bathroom in South Carolina. Her name is Shannon, and she needs your help. Do more than call the cops and give her money. Wait with her for hours until the taxi comes to get her out of the state. This will be your only regret.